You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
