Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize