okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
