Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
