RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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