you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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