I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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