just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we're making bets on your personal life
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
