haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize