Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
