best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize