those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
