she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
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