So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
