My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
