watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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