my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
