Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
