Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
