is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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