oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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