Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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