How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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