worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This is classic penis vs brain.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
