I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I love having hate sex.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
