They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
