i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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