I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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