i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
