SEEEEXXX PLEASE
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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