So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just made out with a guy for $7.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That accounts for only three of the penises
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
