After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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