Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize