Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
