Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
