the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
