I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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