I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
