It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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