I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
