my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
