dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
