Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
