Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize