I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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