I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I will die if light touches me.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
