Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
