I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
