Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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