So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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