worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
