i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
