booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am naked and annoyed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
