No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
