I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
