My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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