It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
