Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
