just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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