I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
