Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
