If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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