Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
