Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
