i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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