would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize