Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
