hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
