You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
