Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
