I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize