So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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