she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
