i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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