possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
