Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
